Saturday, February 6, 2010

Smart, Good-Looking AND Completely Inadequate.

Well, here I am. Posting my very first blog post. Hope you don't fall asleep as you read.

For as long as I can remember I have thought that I was rather dumb and of little value (even though my parents were extremely loving and encouraging and remain so today). Could have had something to do with the fact that I homeschooled; I taught myself via video's that I would fast forward or just do the subjects I liked, then go outside with my dog for long walks in the hills. Indeed, it was a very prestigious education.

I felt very fortunate to have passed the GED test in my Junior year. Then I headed to Bible College - and I passed those classes (gasp) - I prayed very fervantly before every test and paper, and I totally believed that the Lord helped me and He was the one who passed me.

Although I still believe He helped me, as I have matured a bit, developed a tad, and became a wife and mother, I have come to realize that quite possibly, I might actually, maybe, perhaps, potentially, incidentally have some God-given intellect!

Do you know? - I can breastfeed a baby, sing a lullaby, wipe a nose, plan dinner, write an email, look 'adorable' and explain to my daughter why she probably shouldn't eat that raisen-looking piece of fruit she found under the couch, ALL at the same time! Clearly it must take intellect, multiple digit and limb coordination, right and left brain synergy and good looks (my husband thinks I am adorable) to be able to be a wife and mother.

Being married to a man who loves me and has proven over and over again that he loves me in spite of my actions, over-emotional being, clumsiness, not to mention my daily lack of beauty-queen status has been a humbling and a beautiful gift from Yahweh (God) as well as a revelation of my worth.

Caring for little people on a 24-hour basis also establishes a sense of value - for one cannot have a baby and not feel needed in every capacity. But not only that, it's the love and affection of a my child that makes me melt into a puddle of humility considering that I can often hourly feel inadequate, have failed them in some way or another and entirely unable to fulfill the demands, yet their love of me is constant. Even overwhelmingly so - if you knew my daughter Hope, you would know what I mean.

But if you take all of that away - my husband, children, accomplishments, etc. - am I still of value and worth? I believe I am. (Hopefully I am not tested in that capacity!) The standard the world uses to measure a person's value is completely and utterly opposite to God's standard. He made me, I have worth. Period. It's my responsibility to give my life back to Him and be faithful and take part in His character so the value I have increases in measure by the amount of fruit I produce. Right? That's how I see it anyway.

We are each one valuable, worthy of love, and unconditionally loved, if not always by your family, there is always a Greater Love that surpasses all earthy love anyway.

I mess up (a lot), I ask for forgiveness and I receive love. I hope I will do better tomorrow. *what am I going to make for dinner?*

1 comment:

  1. Did you know that we pretty much have the SAME story when it comes to school?? I did "video school" (aka taking the screen out of the back window to box trap quail, or BB gun scrub jays) Then went to Morningstar!! In fact just the other day, I also dug a raisen looking piece of something out of Gabe's mouth that HE probably found under the couch. I tried to ask him why he just denied the wonderful Graham cracker, and instead chose a unrecognzable, probably inedible, piece of grossness from the ground...